What is a Spiritual Director?

Great question! Spiritual Direction is a very old practice and it is practiced in every culture and place touched by Christianity. If you are only hearing about it now or are unsure what it actually is…don’t feel bad! Many are unfamiliar with this practice and the reasons range from our increasingly secular, digitally driven society to the impact of Christian Fundamentalism, which left the Protestant church culturally suspicious of anything from the Christian Mystic Tradition that we confuse for New-Age Mysticism.

That last sentence was a mouth full, sorry about that. But trust me, I already edited out the many more words I could include detailing reasons why people think its weird that I spend as much time as I do talking about “empty chairs,” meditation and a guy named Ignatious who could hear God in the walls of a cave. Fortunately for me and my counterparts, spiritual direction, along with discussions around Christian spiritual formation and discipline is making a comeback! And I will write a whole other article on the reasons why I think this is true, including our growing desire to see the Christian church become more inclusive to those with disabilities.

But for now lets get back to answering what spiritual direction is.

Spiritual Direction is a practice of presence and spiritual mentorship. It is an interpersonal relationship where a person will help the other process, understand and discern the voice of God, the movement of the Holy Spirit and Christ’s calling on their life.

This is my definition but you may find many variations. Other ways a spiritual director can be described is as a spiritual midwife, a coach, or guide. All of these help us picture a person who comes alongside another, stays present through the journey, encourages, equips and maybe even shares some tears.

Many hesitate to even use the word “mentorship” because it limits the relationship and positions the director as being the expert who has all the answers, rather than God. While it’s absolutely true that the one in the room doing the real “directing” is God, my brain doesn’t love abstract concepts particularly when it results in undefined relational expectations. Neither do many of the people who’s brain works like mine. So, I would rather risk using language that limits the relationship than lose people because the idea of direction was too abstract. This is one of the things that makes me different as a director, I approach my practice informed and with special attention to neuro-diversity. Up until now, the Church has not done an awesome job at looking at the ways different people with different brains engage in spiritual disciplines. But liturgically, we are making progress and historically I believe that ancient contemplative practices have always been inclusive…We might even consider that my friend Ignatious of Loyola, who gave us contemplative practices like the Examen and stayed in a cave for eleven months listening to sounds of the earth and meditating could have been neurodivergent.

You may be wondering who spiritual direction is for.

My love for this practice makes me want to say “everyone!” However, there are a few things that might make someone an especially good candidate for direction and a few things I would say indicate it might not be a good time to work with a Director.

1. Are you yearning for God and finding yourself desiring to go deeper? Many who come into direction have been followers of Jesus for years but find themselves entering a new stage in their faith where they want more than they are getting on Sunday or in their own devotion time.
2. Have you hit a “wall” in your faith? Do the prayer and worship practices that used to “fill you up” spiritually and make you feel connected to God not seem to work anymore? The Wall is the name we sometimes give to this hard but not uncommon season mature Christians experience. They may come to a director and say that even reading their Bible doesn’t seem to feel like enough anymore…nothing they do makes them feel close enough to God. I have been there and working with a Director who was trained to stay with me in the space where words were insufficient was a lifeline.
3. Are you “deconstructing” your faith, questioning or feeling lost. This is such a hard, lonely and in my opinion, ultimately fruitful place to be. Working with a director who is committed to Christ but can handle your hard questions, stay with you in your grief as you let go of old doctrine and lean in to new, life-giving truth is my recommendation for anyone going through this.
4. Were you raised in a denomination/tradition that didn’t celebrate the spiritual disciplines you want to learn about? Maybe you currently attend a church that you love but are looking to explore prayer practices that are uncommon in that community. I so resonate with this! I came to faith in the North American Baptist church and that tradition has formed so much of my spiritual life. But I don’t think the name Holy Spirit came up more than once or twice a year in that first church I attended. That being said my baptist friends have typically had an easier time with the quiet meditative practices where as my Charismatic friends have brought more openness to supernatural encounters during direction sessions. My job as a director (and my heart as a pastor) is NOT to call you away from your church or tradition. Rather, I am trained to identify prayer practices, Disciplines and worship styles that God may be inviting you to that are not currently part of your churches liturgy or your personal devotions. I truly believe that wether you are Roman Catholic, Pentecostal, Lutheran, a Reformer or a Mennonite, there are rich lessons about worship to be learned from your tradition…but no one church has got it completely right (yet!) With Ecclesiastical respect and hospitality a good Director can help you ask questions about practices outside of yout faith community without pushing you to reject the ones that are fruitful and healthy.
5. Were you hurt by the church? If so, first let me say, I’m so sorry. That hurt is like no other, it runs deep and I have been there, friend! This is a situation where a Director can be invaluable. They allow you to share, process and grieve with a Christian companion removed from wherever you have or will spend your Sundays. A good Director can sit with you in your anger towards the church with out judgement or bias. They may be able to help you process next steps or assist you in finding ways to worship outside of a congregation while you heal.
6. Are you in crisis or is something going wrong in your life? Proceed with caution here. Spiritual direction is not counselling, therapy or crisis support. Though your Director may also be a pastor, counsellor or chaplain and there may be overlap in what you discuss in your sessions, spiritual direction has different goals. Therapy and counselling are problem-oriented and the goal is to resolve a specific situation or symptoms. But, as Richard Foster states, “the spiritual direction relationship takes the long view. It looks for how God is working, calling, prodding, and inviting us to new ways of being with Jesus in the midst of our circumstances.” This is one reason Directors meet monthly it allows us to assign “homework” with lots of time to practice and we can commit to the long patient work.
7. Are you looking for Direction outside of Christianity? There are spiritual directors outside of the Christian faith and I have worked with those who are not sure that the answers to their questions is Jesus Christ. It is vital that a directee knows the theological framework of their director. I don’t think we need to agree on everything (a good director can hold space for differing opinions) but every part of my faith and practice is shaped by my understanding of God through the Christian Trinity. At any given time God, as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, is actively drawing us into Their Presence. God is the one, true ​“director,” and the third person in the room with every director and directee and I am unaware of how to approach any form of prayer without this understanding. I love how C.S Lewis describes this relationship in Mere Christianity:

An ordinary simple Christian kneels down to say his prayers. He is trying to get in touch with God. But if he is a Christian he knows that what is prompting him to pray is also God: God, so to speak, inside him. But he also knows that all his real knowledge of God comes through Christ, the Man who was God – that Christ is standing beside him, helping him to pray, praying for him. See what is happening. God is the thing to which he is praying – the goal he is trying to reach. God is also the thing inside him which is pushing him on – the motive power. God is also the road or bridge along which he is being pushed to that goal. So that the whole threefold life of the three-personal Being is actually going on in that ordinary little bedroom where an ordinary man is saying his prayers.

Does all that answer the question “what is spiritual direction?” I hope it comes close but there is so much more I could say. If you are looking for some practical information about what I do and what happens in a session you can check out my information and FAQ page.

Or, if you have more burning questions you can always reach out to me and I would be happy to chat. Either way, I hope this at least piqued your interest or helped you to start thinking about what spiritual practices God might be inviting you in to next.